Your immortality does not rest in some genetic relay race. What you give to this world will not be measured in amounts of DNA. Remove this “pass it on” motive from your problem and you will have less stress.
There are no magic postures for fertility. No matter what you may have heard, there are no secrets about fertility. Mutually pleasing sexuality and intimacy are important, however, and constant focus on fertility can rob your marriage of sexual joy and closeness. Talk with your doctor about the timing issue and make sure he or she is aware that you would also like to have sex as well as have a baby, have fun as well as fertility, to maintain your loving.
Imagery helps. It is not just pop psychology to suggest that the mind is a powerful instrument for change. Both of you must enjoy the imagery of a child, not the focus on a problem, on succeeding. Talk “as if,” think of “when,” not “what will we do if we fail.”
Speaking of failure, it is important to be realistic. Sometimes, for reasons that are not always understood, couples do not have their own biological children. Planning for a future? together, for growth and joy and optional ways of parenting or giving back to the world, is important not as a surrender strategy, but as a viable if not the most desirable option.
Sometimes, in the focus on fertility, we forget the holistic approach to general health. While there are no magic vitamins or diets that automatically improve fertility, sound nutrition, exercise, prayer or meditation, balance between working and playing, and a large dose of laughter can help anything. Don’t forget these factors in your focus on fertility.
Sometimes, rarely, there are underlying marital or individual psychological problems that get in the way of, not prevent, pregnancy. For both the husband and the wife, unresolved marital and personal problems should be addressed in counseling. I’m not suggesting that personal psychological problems cause infertility. It’s just good common sense to look to your own and your partner’s own general life philosophy and happiness without blame but with support and interest in personal and relationship development.
Some of the steps in Chapter Eight have been very popular with the fertility couples. You may want to open up your own sex clinic and have some fun. You deserve it. Fertility counseling tires you out, angers you, and lets you down. I close this chapter with a report from one of the wives in the fertility program that summarizes the health and sexuality relationship.
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